Monday, August 11, 2008
Together with QinYao, ShiKun and Jonathan, I watched this movie.My granma strongly recommended it.
And I find it okay okay.. the middle part was a bit boring. But it certainly brought out the emotions in me (its not difficult to do that actually, im very emotional wahaha)
I felt angry too, at the childish boys behind us (we sat first row cos we bought tickets really late) who kept talking nonsense and i wonder how many times they've watched the show because they kept spoiling the show by TELLING WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!!!
dont u just hate these kinda ppl in the cinema?
no surprises anymore. cheeeeyyy!!! really kanasai lah these boys.
I suddenly feel afraid of growing old. (after watching the show)
What if i'm a diabetic? What if i have cancer? What if i'm lame (as in literally)? What if i am unable to take care of myself?
For how long will my children (if any) bear to live with me?
Will my husband (if any) still be around?
Will there be anyone to listen to my complaints (if i still have the energy to)?
Will i be a burden to those around me?
I'm afraid of the unknown.
I hated it so much when a certain somebody said that life is meaningless and she wants to die. Now i think i can understand how she feels. Afraid of ageing. I would rather die than to live meaninglessly. Waiting for death is torturous.
I really am thankful to God that my paternal granpa and maternal granma are still alive and well. I seriously admire them for their strong will and courage to live, even though they have nothing to do everyday, especially for my granpa in KL.
Being young as I am, I feel so lost when I have no goals in life. Like my times in manchester, everyday was just another day for me. I dont have to study, dont have to do anything, just have to sit around, go for lectures, thats it. Some may call it a relaxed lifestyle and enjoy it to the max, but for me, i didnt find any meaning in that kind of life. Its like I'm letting my youth drain away and reap nothing out of it.
I complained, I made a fuss, I was unhappy because I couldnt adapt to living each day as it is. I'm so used to planning for something in the future like an upcoming exam, a project deadline to meet and so on. I hated living without knowing what I should do or achieve next.
But now when I look back, I can call those times in Manchester a break.
A break from reality, a break from the busy and hectic world i was in for all my life, just a break.
A change of views in life i have. Or perhaps its just that I've now come to accept the reality.
Meaning in life? What meaning has studies got in life anyway? Does it mean that if i study more everyday my life is meaningful? Does it mean that if i go for a good internship my life is meaningful? Meaning is just such a vague term to describe life.
While searching for the ultimate goal in my life, i guess i shall just live being 'pushed' and 'motivated' by exams and deadlines for the present.
I have to wake up and get back to reality after slacking for more than 8 months.
A new semester has begun.
What will happen this semester?
I anticipate.
